i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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