So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
