So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
