You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
