STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
