this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
