East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
