I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
