So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
