my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
