It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
