Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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