Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
