He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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