So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
