hell yes lets make some ravioli
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
