i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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