Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
