dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
