i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
