he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
