you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
