OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
