i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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