I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
