You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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