and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
