it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
