i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
