could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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