Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
