I would go down on you faster than GM stock
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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