I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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