Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize