You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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