She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
