just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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