My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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