Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
