This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
