I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
