if only i could text you this smell
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
