I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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