He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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