Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
