I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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