i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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