He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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