A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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