if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
