I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
