so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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