You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
