How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize