life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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