U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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