I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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