every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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