My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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