I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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