My hand turned me down
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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