I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
