I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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