Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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