How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
