i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
