If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
