we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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